December 2011
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Tomorrow I’m heading off to the middle of nowhere.
And the middle of nowhere does not possess internet access.
*sigh*
It’ll only be two days, but it’ll feel like two years, I’m sure. :|
I will miss you all!
But you won’t miss me.
No, really, I have the queue all fired up. (:
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parents: you need to start acting like an adult
me: i already read adult fanfiction what else do you want
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cosmo sex tip #666
rappinpicard:
when he’s least expecting it, carve a pentagram in his chest and begin summoning satan
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Today at the movies
Me: Hi. I'd like two tickets to Sherlock Holmes: A Gay of Shadows?
Ticket Seller: Yeah su- Wait, what?
Me: Sherlock Homes: A Gay of Gay.
Ticket Seller: I don't-
Me: Sherlock Gay: A Gay of Gay Gay.
Ticket Seller: Sir I-
Me: Gay Gay: Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay.
Ticket Seller: That-
Me: Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
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My child: Did you seriously name me after a book character? Tell me the truth.
Me: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
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So my mom hands me sausage. And I’m like ‘YAY. I LOVE SAUSAGE.’ hahahaNO. It’s not sausage. It’s deer. FUCK. YOU.
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”so hot”
I whispered
as I took my plate out of the microwave
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I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas! :D
Or if you’re not on that train, I hope you had a fantastic day in general. (:
Oh lawd, I ate so much freaking food you guise.
I ate enough mashed potatoes to feed a village and don’t even get me started on the rolls, the green bean casserole, the banana pudding, the chocolate from my stocking, etc. You get the idea- Imma pig. :|
Or...
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facebook: omg so thankful for my family this year merry xmas :)))))
tumblr: happy birthday jesus u was a real nigga
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friend: where did you go for your christmas break
me: internet
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theyuledog:
“Jason Derulo” sang Jason Derulo, as he baked holiday cookies in the shape of his face
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favorite celebrity: hello!
me: can I take a picture with you?
favorite celebrity: sure!
me: can you sign this?
favorite celebrity: of course!
me: can you have sex with me?
favorite celebrity: what
me: what
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girl: oh my god my boyfriend broke up with me my life is over
me: how pathetic
favorite pairing: don't speak for an entire episode
me: oh my god my otp broke up my life is over where is the fucking ben and jerrys